things that go bump in the night

there is a queer strain about darkness. it just doesnt fit well into man's intellect. thats why we sleep at night, light up our houses and lives, even celebrate festivals for it. and of course we have endless scary tales of things that go bump in the night. no grand-parents are complete without them; and i dont think there are any childhood experiences without at least one story that runs too deep for comfort. so it has to be a given that most of man's worst experiences are meted out to him in the night/dark. or maybe its the other way round. we just think that what happens to us in the dark is worse than what could happen in broad daylight. but that is being deliberately obtuse. and as usual i am digressing from what i intend to say. *aside: i think the most interesting conversations happen when you digress from the topic*

what i do have to relate is relatively mundane. nothing as deeply involving as a philosophical discussion on darkness and its psychological impact on us. just a series of events that led us to lock ourselves at our apartments, and an above average daily dose of adrenaline. here is how it all transpired.

a jolly bunch of 6 decided to go see a movie today. heard "the hitch" was a "good lighthearted one". of course, as is unkown to most people, thats just trick phraseology for a complete chick flick, right down to the mushy bollywood-ishtyle dialogues. so we all climbed aboard the van ready to be entertained. its the kind of car that can just soak up people and not show a bulge. parents use it over here to drive their kids and their assorted friends to soccer matches. the reason for the oft heard phrase "soccer mom" on popular sitcoms. we just fondly call it "Mom's Car", complete with the capital M and C. this particular Mom being a friend whose uncle gifted the damn car to him. but its the only mass rapid transist system available on call.

but where was i? yeah, 6 jolly souls in Mom's Car heading out for the 9:25 pm show. nothing out of the ordinary in that, except for yours truly. we reach the theater with minimal unpleasantness, apart from friendly leg-pulling, and some serious skull bashing. the 2 hours of the movie go quietly, interspersed with small chuckles and uproarious laughter from one end of the crowd. that was Mom. the movie ends and we all file out, going rabid with comments about how good/bad the movie was. a cell phone rings. *cheesy cell phone tune playing* Mom steps out to take the call. we can hear only snatches of conversations. everyone pricks up at "did you call 911?" for the uninitiated this is not one of those 1-900 numbers. everyone perks up because this usually means there is going to be something worth gossiping over for days. (yeah we men gossip too!)

Mom enters looking anxious. turns out Mom's flatmate was shot at by an african-american (nigger) in an apartment complex. blank stares on all the faces. the thing is we live in the same apartment complex, or just next to it. its interesting the way a bunch of people behave when faced with unforseen circumstances. a quote on that later. a plethora of opinions, suggestions, counter-suggestions, questioning, cross-questioning, ideas, idioms, similes, analogies, previous incidents, fear, palpitation, and prayers to god later, we headed back towards home. the above was of course followed by a frenzy of cell phone activity. burning the air-waves away were messages to near and dear ones (read: girls and flatmates. the two are mutually exclusive by the way. through no fault of ours i can assure you. its just in the nature of things) interspersed between all of this were reassuring words from Mom. "Mom will get you home. dont worry". it did help to break the tensed bunch. "stay home, lock the doors and peep through the hole" was the message of choice. short, sweet and simple. all enquires were answered by "desi shot at, twice". i guess that was enough. last i heard, some desi dudes sitting in a bar next to the crime scene fled home without tipping the waitress they had been hitting on for the past 1 hour. so i guess it worked.

we lost our way en route. took a wrong turn and ended up at the interstate highway close to the liquor stores. if ever life had an inappropriate sense of humor it was then. took a U-turn and glided home to safety. three cheers for Mom! endless discussions followed; the rumor mills were churning away at an all time high. nothing had created such a flurry amongst the desi's. not even when one of the surds cut his long locks, went to dallas, and married a mexican chat friend who is 45 years old and a mother of 2. (read: instant green card) but whats important is that we got to hear the event history as it actually transpired, straight from the horses mouth. oh yeah he lived to tell the tale.

this dude was walking from his home to another friends place to catch the live telecast of the last day of play (India Vs Pakistan). (whoever said cricket couldnt be dangerous). he saw some commotion and lots of flashing lights some distance away. what could be more attractive than flashing lights in the dead of the night? refer to my opening paragraph. he was instantly attracted to the scene just as multitudes of indians are attracted to (free) public displays of any kind. its instantaneous and reflexive. some african-americans (niggers) looted a 7-11 store and were fleeing from the scene. these guys had a green(?) saturn which was observed by our desi dude. those guys must have thought that an unnecessary witness needed to be eliminated and swerved around to bang him down. carmageddon! shot at him twice but, bless his soul, he ducked and dodged the bullets.

so he is now safe and sound and asleep (hopefully). we advised him to have a couple of shots of vodka to help calm his nerves down. having our offer turned down, we promptly took it upon ourselves to do the needful. smirnoff zindabad! vodka amar rahe! Mom got a little too happy and we decided it was better he bunked with us for tonight.

so thats my neat little story. packaged in pink polka-dotted paper, with a tiny blue ribbon on top.

ps: the above is a highly fictionalised account of the events that transpired between 9:25 pm CT (27th February) and 2:30 am CT (28th February) in lubbock, texas. please take them with an extra large pinch of salt. the author makes no claim to sobriety or truth. the author further thinks these are for the weak of mind.