strange days

strange days are upon me. to quote another dialogue from a movie, "life has taken a turn for the surreal". here is a mail i wrote to a friend, lets call her N, recently. presented here is an excerpt.

"...my recent attitude towards girls. its almost bordering on the pathological N. these days i just dont find myself being attracted to a girl. i mean on an emotional/intellectual level. and no i am not turning gay either. bordering on a misogynist is more like it. i hate women their scheming conniving ways. their fake attitude of being a girl. they are so immersed in being a girl that they forget all about being a person. they lie, they bitch, they flounce, they pout, they flutter, act mysterious, and generally act all icky and foolishly self-assured (of nothing). do they really think that men will bow down to their every whim and fancy and treat them like a china doll? are all women like that? i know very few who arent. ps: this aint an anti-feminist or pro-male propoganda. just seeking a peaceful and simple co-existence.

i dont know where its stemming from, or why it exists. i have started consolidating my circle of friends to just a few people now. i call it my "Periodical Pruning of Tangential Associates" program. but i guess deep down i think its a disturbing trend. i am not usually a person consumed with such pathological hate for anyone. let alone an entire group of people. i'd been thinking about it, so i thought i'd mention it.

... a side point; its something i've noticed recently. ever see a poor man wrestling with inner demons? i havent. too many external ones to get a chance to reflect upon the self. which gives rise to some interesting questions. does a poor man, in his act (or non-act) of not reflecting upon the self, lose the inner demons? if so, is every poor man inherently a good person? if not, whither demons? where is their manifestation? dont tell me about the crime statistics which shows that poor people form a major chunk of criminals. two things to that: organized crime originates amongst the rich ones. it takes birth there and germinates with the lower echelons of society. and petty crime amongst the poor is just a reaction, a natural one, of an underpriviliged spark of life in an inherently disinterested and uncaring world. what we are talking about is... such things as... are we alone in this world? what is my purpose? who am i? am i a bad person? what constitutes a bad/good person? and other such philosophical/psychological goobledegook, the answers to which, constitutes and consumes our inner selves.

my point is a very simple one to this long argument. do we really need to think about all this to be able to lead a better life? or to be better people? do we really need the answers? or more importantly, do we really need the questions? i think these questions, philosophies, et al are products of an idle mind on a boring sunday afternoon. the prerogative of the rich in contemporary times. inventions perhaps? maybe i am being too simplistic in my point of view. but believe me, that surely is deliberate. a simple, uncluttered, complexity free, existence for a change. i want to get out of the vicious loop of analyzing the how's, why's, where's, et al. of everything around me in life. at least for a while. a break. i just want to feel and to react. i want to engage (not indulge) my senses in feeling the world around me and to react to it as naturally as possible.

i must say your writings have made me solidify my thoughts. whatever i have written is what came to me naturally, on reading it. i apologize if it sounds preachy. i dont know what my intention was when i began writing this mail. i just think we need to pay more attention to the life that is happening around us, rather than the perception of it thats living inside us..."

hmm... thats all for now.